we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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