At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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