He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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