I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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