i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
