At least make sure they are 18
Why
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
