happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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