i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
