Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

(224): View more from Illinois

RUN RUN RUN RUN

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(845): View more from New York

what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?

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(703): View more from Virginia

i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.

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(+54): View more from

My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

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(315): View more from New York

I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?

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(845): View more from New York

That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.

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(909): View more from California

I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.

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