basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
