I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
