i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
