I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
