Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
