I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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