too bad you live with your parents still
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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