1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
