I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
