2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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