TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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