Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
