Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
