Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
