The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
