the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
