Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
