your thong is hanging out like whoa
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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