i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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