Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
