I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize