I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
