i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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