RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
