y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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