Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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