I can feel you judging me through the phone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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