Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
