I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
