Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
