Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
