My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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