There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
