True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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