why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
