Please, let me fuck your mom
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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