just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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