I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
