You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
