You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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