if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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