barbara walters just said penis...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
