fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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