It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
