you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
