the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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