I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
