the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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