I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
