I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
