Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
