Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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