She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
