Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
