I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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