i may or may not be watching the land before time
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
