I'm so fucking centered right now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
