I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
