K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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