Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
