you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
