Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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