Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
