1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
