I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
