Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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