You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He did a backflip because drugs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
