She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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