my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
